How To Stop Your Kids From Whining

Kids (and adults) whine because they know that the more persistent they are, the more likely parents will give in.

Try these methods to end whining :

• Do not accede to the child’s demands. Be firm with your decision (make sure the rest of the family does the same thing).
• Say nothing. Give the child a give-me-no-nonsense stare.
• Ignore the whine by pretending to be busy with something.
• Do not give in to screaming. Just leave it as it is. Teach the child that screaming will achieve nothing.
• If the child refuses to eat what you have prepared, remove the food and inform him nicely that he will have to wait for the next meal.
• The more persistent the child is, the more persistent you have to be in maintaining your stand. Be firm.

As Dr. Carolyn Crowder, author of “Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start” puts it : “Most parents find it hard to resist when a child is hungry at 9 at night; they want to rescue them from their decision. But that is disrespectful. This is a decision that kids make that they can learn from the consequences of hunger, without your involvement. It’s important to remember not to remove the plate with an angry posture — just do it, matter-of-fact. They said they didn’t want to eat. That’s OK; that’s their choice. This is much better than opening this whole area to a power struggle, because it can be such a powerful arena for children.”

Here is a glimpse of the tips suggested by Audrey Ricker and Carolyn Crowder in the book “Whining: 3 Steps to Stop It Before the Tears and Tantrums Start” (Fireside, 2000) :

1. Consequences : In this method, your child’s whining is met with consequences that occur as a result of the child’s misbehavior. For example, when your child whines in public, you immediately take the child home without comment. The logical consequence for not behaving in a public place is that they don’t get to be there.
2. Assertiveness : This method encourages the substitution of calm, respectful dialogue that gives a child a mode of communication to replace whining. Children learn to ask for what they want and to articulate their desires without tantrums or manipulation.
3. Contribution : The underlying principle of contribution is simple but effective. Contribution means that children are expected to work for the common good just as adult members of the family do. When children are made to feel they are important to the family by contributing and belonging in positive ways, they have no need to use negative behaviors such as whining to gain that feeling of importance.

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